Having a block with sculpting and the art dolls, technically I’ve completed what I set out to do, that being finish an art doll, but there is still lots more I’d like to make with them. More of that some other time. Today instead thought I’d announce something else we’ve picked up.
Here it is!
This is Jester’s throne! As seen from the Puppet Master II film. I cannot express what it means to have these parts in my hands. I’ve shared before what the puppet replicas mean to me in previous posts but I’d also like to acknowledge again the person who has been making all this happen and whom I’ve been keeping an eye on from the shadows for a very long time. All parts you see here (the throne, and Jester’s head/hand sculpts) were designed by Vehicros, the living Andre Toulon! He has full credit for designing these pieces and bringing them to life. Over the years Vehicros has invested lots and created the most accurate high quality Puppet Master movie prop replica parts you can get your hands on.
So yes I’m merely taking over a project that he already started. The wooden parts you see were done by him and sent to me, the 3D printed parts were also designed by him and I placed the order for professional grade 3D printing. What I plan to do is learn for the first time molding and casting to make copies of these parts, put them together, paint, and complete the kit. Unlike the art dolls this project truly is out of my league, way out, and so I am expecting to face great difficulty. Some of the parts need editing too which I won’t be able to until after making copies is complete to not destroy any original parts. But I am seriously looking forward to this and seeing the finished result. Molding and casting is another skill I wanted to learn for as long as I can remember so I see this project as a way of getting my foot through that door. Very exciting!
Thanks for checking this out and stay tuned for future updates!
(I’m shooting for mid Feb to get into the molding & casting shop, maybe sooner maybe later, progress might be a bit slower than I originally intended)
3/20/19 Update: Things been coming up and getting in the way so this will take a bit more time than intended, expect things to be moving along if not finished by early summer!
Did some charcoal sketching today, working with charcoal is great! Always thought of it as a relative of sumi-e ink. Trying to do some pre-sketches with the charcoal then turn them into ink paintings, would like to try mixing the mediums too.
Hoping to form a productive habit out of this, been a struggle for a while now.
Character in picture is Mob from Mob Psycho 100 the anime/manga, used a reference not my original.
I have a story I want to get out and made the decision to sit and write it, like the endless times before. Its scenes play out in my mind like a movie, but I don’t know how to articulate visually. So I settle for words with minimal illustrations within my skill range, thinking this maybe I can do. I know roughly what I want this to be about, who will be in it, their dialog and exchanges already going through my head. But when I sit to write I can’t get a single word out. I realize the dialog and visuals is all I really care about, maybe some narration, but I don’t care to have to describe much else with words. Either way nothing comes out.
Every aspect of my life is like this, any area I try to find an outlet for creation or expression I always feel like I’m trapped in a box and need an opening to breathe through but everywhere I look there isn’t one, or I finally find one but it is far too small to receive any air from. It’s like I’m drowning with an anchor tied to my leg but just enough to where head is right below the surface, when I look up I can see the sky, air, it’s right there but can’t move any closer to it.
So here I am making a public exhibition of myself over this instead because it feels like the only thing I can do to release the rage and frustration. Good thing masturbation exists I guess. Sure there are some other things I can do like exhaust myself physically but that only handles a small portion. There is enough longing here to wrap itself around eternity three times so I have to at least say something publicly because this is something that can no longer be contained in a privately. This is a form of self expression too though not what I really want at the moment, it will do for now but it won’t hold forever.
The weird thing is I’ve established for myself that I no longer need to live up to any sort of expectations creatively by any sort of standard made by self or other, yet I still can’t be bothered. I thought this would free me up to just start making but isn’t working. I feel like a volcano that’s already erupting but there’s no opening for release. How much more of this does one endure? I think I know where this all comes from, doesn’t make it hurt any less.
(2/6/19 edit: I’m learning that expressing yourself doesn’t require full on skill or competency, but there’s still a block. My connecting competency with expression was my blurring the lines between what I need to get out, and my own inner judge. I now see this self critique has to do with lack of acceptance for myself and the desire to be accepted by the outer judges, people. What a decadent way of being. Maybe an ego death is required here)